Just so you all know. Everything has been made clear before I even posted this, we all feel better now and got over this. I only had those words on my heart and needed them out. I'm sorry for the inconvenience or the worries.

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October... some month it has been...

To say that this is our favourite month within which is our favourite season and our favourite holiday... And yet to think it happens to be the worst month we've had this year...

Off course, yes we've met Lila at Naru 2 U, had fun there, did the masquerade and won two prizes, yes... that was a good time.

But why? Why did everything had to be crushed down to ashes and make us live through such hard times? Why did we all had to suffer so much?

At least, I am glad we are done with it. Because of me, my indecisiveness, and my choices and everything... I made you both suffer and I am truly sorry. I know you are going to oppose me, but I know I am guilty. I know it may not be a hundred percent my fault but it isn't true to say I'm for nothing either. I always forgive you and already did for this time too.

T'en vouloir n'est pas ce qu'il y a de mieux à faire et je ne m'y résoudrai jamais de toute façon.

Within this whole month, or maybe only the second half, everything has been so hard on us... For you I have shredded in tears, tears filled with my love for you, tears filled with every little piece of my feelings for you, those tears of anger, those tears of sadness... those tears of love, coming from the deepest abyss of my soul. I cried so much I felt sick, it hurted me and I got near the point of throwing up. But all I could do was really cry and call out for you in my pain.

And you.. you cried also... you lost tears in honour for me... for us. You made your blood flow in anger and sadness. You were calling out for me, you needed me and all you could do was hurt yourself and bleed... I wished I could've been there for you, I wished I could've been by your sides to take care of you, to support you, but I wasn't... Someone else was, she saw you and was worried, but you hide what was truly happening to keep her from being sad too. And because of that she didn't say more and just watched you drenched in blood when really you were suffering inside... and she took pictures of that suffering... You don't know how much it hurts me to even look at them... It hurts me so much to see you like that, to see in your glare how much you need me and want me near you.

It makes me feel so much guilty each time I have to confront them, each time I look at them. But I refuse to ignore those pictures because you are just so beautiful, so handsome on them. Those pictures count a lot for you and they do for me too. I love them.

Now we managed to get through all this pain, we talked about it, we let the emotions flow and evacuate, we've gone through so much and now, all we hope is that everything will get better.

November didn't start quite well either as you, Lila, had been included in an accident... You got badly injured but you survived, because you are strong, because you have your very own guardian keeping watch over you. I am more than glad that you are still with us. Now you will rest and be in good shape, I wouldn't want you to get worst then you are. Rest until you heal properly, until you stop suffering and then I'll be relieved.

Next-week end is going to be your birthday my dear beloved. I wished I would've drawn something for you, but unfortunately I didn't quite have the time... and still don't. I am going to come and see you though, I will make your present as to be my presence by your sides and we'll have fun together, lots of fun. I promise you that. I promised you your gift too and you'll get it once I receive it, but for now, we'll be happy and put all that behind us.




~Cristal Knight





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Links:
My cosplay.com ~ [link]
Bloody~Cristal on Youtube ~ [link]